The Unofficial Igor Ulanov Fan Club

Dearest Lokomotiv,

2011-09-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

Words about this unspeakable tragedy have already spread over the internet, and have been written much more eloquently than anyone here at the fan club offices could have written.

Our thoughts go out to the families of the players and the of the crew members onboard. While those of us in North America are feeling the shock over losing familiar names like Demitra, Skrastins, and (my former NHL fantasy hockey go-to) Salei, it's important to remember that every single player on that roster had loved ones who mourn for them.

Our hearts also go out to Yaroslavl, as losing your hockey team this way must leave a hole in your lives not easily filled.

R.I.P

Pain doesn't hurt.

2008-03-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

How does one obtain a studly mug such as the one seen above? There's an easy answer. Thanks to Scarlett for pointing this out (scroll down to the bottom of the post). Follow the link on her site to get the whole story.

"...Joni is as delicate as a 19th century lady." Priceless.

Russian Super League Hockey > Essay Assignment on Orange Revolution

2008-03-19T11:53:00.001-07:00

While my fantasy hockey teams' stats are all over the playoff map, I'd like to mention that the Lokomotiv's playoff dance is going just fine. I believe they're set to head into round three of the playoffs against the Metallurg Mg after having defeated the CSKA in four games (which is not a sweep in the RSL).

Fine job, boys!

The Relief Sets In

2008-03-14T12:19:00.001-07:00

'Tis a fine time to be an Igor Ulanov Fan Club! Though Ulanov has presumably known all along of his whereabouts, his devoted (one post per month - shame!) fan club has recently come across some new news. Thanks to trusty Yaroslavl correspondent Simone for alerting us to the fact that he had been playing on Loko's farm team after the mysterious events. They lost in the second round of the playoffs. Rumour has it that he may even return to the team next season under different coaches. We're still not clear on what led to his disappearance in the first place, but we're hoping that he hasn't been charged with an attitude problem.

Yaroslavl is currently battling CSKA Moscow in the Super League playoffs. The series is tied 1-1, with the next game happening on the 16th. Good Luck!

A Touch of Nostalgia:You-LAN-ov versus Peca

2008-02-14T23:07:00.000-08:00

Igor Ulanov has left the building

2008-02-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

The robustness of the charming young Ulanov is missing from the dressing room in Yaroslavl. Word on the street is that his performance (though not necessarily PIM) is lacking. Tired of warming the bench? Maybe. But he has left the dressing room, never to be heard from again. The team says he has retired. We're suspicious.

Disappointing performance? Sign on with this year's squad of ~~Timbits~~ Oilers!

(seriously, though. Come back)

I'll be your net.

2007-12-09T15:10:00.000-08:00

The current Oilers are in somewhat of a scoring slump, but their former teammate certainly doesn't appear to be. The studly Mr Ulanov scored one for the Lokomotiv in their 4-3 victory over Lada on 1 December.

On 5 December, Lokomotiv lost to Traktor by a score of 6-3, but they won against Metallurg of Magnitogorsk on 7 December. Their next game is against Vityaz on 19 December. Lokomotiv is currently #5 in the standings, according to The Russian Hockey Digest.

This is the kind of picture that wins you a hot off!

2007-11-19T21:52:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, this is not the picture that was used. Yes, thanks to all the bellyaching that Ulanov isn't even an Oiler anymore (blah, blah, technicalities, technicalities) and that shouldn't even be in the Hot Off, Ulanov lost his round to that shifty-eyed caterpillar face.

I wasn't as bitter last year when Ulanov lost in the first round to Moreau, because Moreau ended up beating everyone else. This year, Ulanov lost to a less worthy opponent.

Rory Fitz-who?

2007-11-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

Vote Ulanov

Raffi Torres doesn't respect classy facial hair.

Man on Fire!

2007-11-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

Ulanov has 5 points in fifteen games this season. All are in the form of assists, but I'm still dreaming of a hat trick. It has come to my attention (via text message by a good friend), that radio station Team 1260's morning show is advocating the return of the spring chicken. Did you see what happened to Mathieu "Stitchface" Roy last night?

Lokomotiv is on a three-game winning streak, and they take on Nizhniy Novgorod Torpedo on 14 November.

And that's fire, not a multi-coloured swarm of arena insects.

Happy birthday, Mr. President Ulanov!

2007-10-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

Ulanov is 38 today. October is clearly the sexiest month for birthdays.

And he's back! In the last game before Ulanov's return, Yaroslavl lost to the Khimik 6-3. On 27 September, Ulanov made his return (to the loudest cheers ever heard in an arena anywhere, no doubt), and the Lokomotiv lost to the Moscow CSKA 5-2. But Ulanov posted a point in the form of an assist! We didn't have to wait long this season! He also got some kind of penalty that Babblefish wouldn't translate. On 30 September, the Lokomotiv beat Kazaan AK Bars 5-2, and Ulanov got another assist. Hot!

Get well soon!

2007-09-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to post the picture for a week. Stupid Blogger.

What kind of hijinks has Ulanov's team been up to in his absence? The Lokomotiv was on the road for two games, losing 4-1 the Magnitogorsk Metallurg on the 15th. They then lost on the 17th 3-1 to the Chelyabinsk Traktor. The week of the 18th saw Yaroslavl back at home for two games. On the 20th, they shitkicked Ufa Salavat Yulaev 7-1. They lost on the 22nd to Togliatti Lada 5-4. Their next game will be played at Mytischi (Khimik) on the 25th. Best of luck!

Fun word of the day: Duodenum

Adam Huxley, you'd best be on your merry way.

2007-09-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

Only one man is allowed to wear number 55 in this town.

No train wrecks here...

2007-09-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

The Lokomotiv played two games at home this week. On 10 September, they defeated the Khabarovsk Amur 4-0, and two days later they took out the Chekhov Vityaz 5-2. Well done, Yaroslavl.

In other news, it appears that Ulanov is injured, but he should be back playing in games later this month. I had just assumed that he had been given a one-way ticket to the press box. Ha! Silly me! Also, he's sporting a fashionable double five on his jersey this season (as opposed to the single 5 of last). All is right with the Superleague world.

The annual fan club frustration is upon us...

2007-09-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

The Lokomotiv started the season off with a bang! They defeated Novosibirsk 6-3 on 4 September while on the road, but two days later they succumbed to the power of Novokuznetsk(?) and lost 2-1. And where was Ulanov through all of this? Not on the ice, that's for damn sure!

And who is that fine-looking young man on the top right?

And they're off!

2007-09-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

The Russian Superleague season started September 4th. As soon as the website is updated, I'll let you know how the Lokomotiv's first game went. And they have Yashin on their team now (which apparently raised ticket prices).

I wrote this on somebody's car. In sharpie.

2007-08-06T01:05:00.001-07:00

With permission, of course. The car was entered into a demolition derby in New Brunswick. They came in...5th! That's a lucky digit. Err...where have we been for the last 3 months? I have no excuse, but here's a nice picture of the fan club executive sporting the trendiest in hang over fashion while lying on the kitchen floor. That t-shirt was lent to me by a Jets/Flames fan. No one can resist that Edmonton charm, despite its hockey team's atrocious play of the yester-season.

I've received an update from our Yaroslavl fan/correspondent, and she says that he has been signed for this season with Yaroslavl and is set to play in a pre-season tournament. Also, he is apparently a "very snappy dresser."

Spotlight on: Winnipeg

2007-05-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

First off, I'd like to apologize for my absence. I went on a road trip to San Jose for some playoff action, seeing as there wasn't anything going on here in Edmonton. Thanks to Don E. Coyote for stepping in and posting a video about horses. And I'd also like to apologize to him again for my being a sleeping turd. Anywho...

Today's city of interest is Winnipeg. Winnipeg is located in Manitoba oblast and was once home to the Winnipeg Jets, before the team moved to Phoenix, never to be heard from again. The first thing I think of when I think about Winnipeg is the Jets. The second is that Fountain Tire commercial that most TV-owning Canadians have been watching for the past two years (at least). You know the one I'm talking about. The Fountain Tire spokesman is excited about going to Hawaii, but then figures that somehow he boarded the wrong plane and is "gooooooiiiiinnnggg to Winnipeg." How he managed to board the wrong plane is beyond me. Isn't security fairly tight in airports these days?

Manitoba can be found in central Canada, nestled snuggly between Saskatchewan and Ontario. It is the Easternmost prairie province, and people driving across Canada from West to East are very thankful of that, I'm sure. Winnipeg is known as the Gateway to the West. According to Wikipedia, it is strong in the fields of agriculture, finance, education, transportation, and manufacturing. Winnipeg is the largest city in Manitoba, and it's home to Manitoba's second largest public university, the appropriately named University of Winnipeg. Winnipeg is also located near Lake Winnipeg, which is Canada's fifth largest lake and the world's eleventh. I think that's where they filmed the now-defunct Canadian teen drama, Falcon Beach. I once saw five minutes of it. It wasn't very good. Winnipeg hosted the Pan-Am Games twice, the only other city besides Mexico City to have received that honour. According to the 2006 census, Winnipeg's population is 633 451. I once worked with a guy who moved from Winnipeg to Edmonton after he had been stabbed three times. I cannot explain why he moved to Edmonton to avoid getting stabbed, but maybe that's a story for another day. On the front page of the Edmonton Journal.

Winnipeg has a rich history. It was established in 1738 as Fort Rouge, and later underwent a name change in 1822 as Fort Garry. It became Winnipeg in 1873. Winnipeg was the site of the Red River Rebellion, led by Riel, in 1869. The post World War 1 strike, The Winnipeg General Strike, occurred in 1919. 35 000 people walked off the job. The government responded with violence, and two people were killed and another thirty were injured. The strike made way for the creation of the social democratic party, the CCF.

Igor Ulanov was drafted 203rd overall by the Winnipeg Jets in the 1991 NHL entry draft. He went on to play in four NHL seasons with the Jets before being traded to the Washington Caps. Ulanov scored his first NHL goal while playing for Winnipeg on 17 February 1992 against the Islanders.

And last but not least, Saturday is a day that will belong to Russia and to Canada, IIHF semi-final style.

Spotlight on: Nothing to do with hockey....

2007-05-01T16:15:00.000-07:00

So, here's a funny story. I have absolutely nothing to write about, especially seeing as the lokomotiv season is over, and I'm not following any of the playoffs. So here's a completely unrelated post, but I think it is worth a look. And by worth a look, I mean I made the video, so Watch it! Love you all.

Spotlight on: Voskresensk (Воскресенск)

2007-04-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

I had a very difficult finding pictures of Voskresensk. During my search, I mainly found various photos and sites for the Voskresensk Khimik (which is why this city gets the spotlight in the first place), various websites suggesting that I marry women from Voskresensk, and pictures of trains, which are extremely boring (unless they come from Yaroslavl - ha, ha, ha). So it appears that Voskresensk is big on trains. Then I found a site that sells shark teeth. Shark teeth from Voskresensk. This tooth...ah, well I think they said it best:

A GEM, very rare Sphenodus tooth, from a very early shark. Absolutely great preservation - excellent condition with extra sharp cutting edges and a needle tip. Perfect tooth. These are Upper Jurassic age from Voskresensk, Russia. Top quality. A rare, killer tooth!

And for only $145, this killer tooth can be yours. Anyway, let's get back to Voskresensk. It's located in Moscow oblast, 80-ish km southeast of the city of Moscow. Its population appears to be in decline. According to Wikipedia's census numbers. In 2002, the population was 77 871. It was 79 900 and 81 400 in 2000 and 1991, respectively. Voskresensk was the original name of the nearby town of Istra until 1929. Voskresensk-Istra achieved town status in the eighteenth century, while the current home of the Khimik achieved this status in 1938. I couldn't find a weather report for Voskresensk, but in Istra it is currently 2 degrees, with a high for today of 8. And it's raining!

Ulanov played for the Voskresensk Khimik for about a season and a half between 1990 and 1992 before joining the Jets in '92. He had a total of nine points for Voskresensk.

On an unrelated note, our thoughts are with Laika's family even after all these years.

July: a season of hope

2007-04-19T18:35:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow (when I have a small break in exams, it being the weekend and all) I will get back to the posts that I've promised but not delivered. For now, let's take a look back in history. July 2006 was a month full of hope. In my mind, there was still the smallest of chances that Ulanov would be re-signed. Then there was this. Click on the link in the last paragraph. How little I knew then. July 2006 also saw the birth of Hot Oil.

Oh Tom Gilbert, you're the next best thing.

Spotlight on: Perm (not the hairstyle)

2007-04-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today's city is Perm. The Perm Central Square is pictured (Krasnov Travel Agency) above. It is apparently a popular site for wedding photos. Like Krasnokamsk, Perm is located in Perm oblast. It is the most Eastern city of Europe. Perm has a roaring population of 1.2 million people and is Russia's 6th largest city. It was, for a period, called Molotov after the USSR's Stalin-era foreign minister. Perm officially became a city in 1723, and 12 July still brings many celebrations. The region around Perm is rich in timber, minerals, and oil. It is also a main Russian transportation hub, with the Trans Siberian Railway passing through it.

During the Cold War, Perm was the a major military industry site was kept a secret from the outside world. It did not appear on many Soviet-made maps. Perm is one of the most multicultural cities in Russia. It is currently cloudy in Perm, with a high of two degrees Celsius and a low of -2.

Igor Ulanov played a total 74 regular season games over three seasons (1985-1988) with Perm Molot, then of the Rus-1 league and now of the Russian Superleague. Its logo appears to be some kind of bear.

The key word is "fine."

2007-04-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

So, Sunday (err...Tuesday) brings another edition of "In the Cards." Today's Igor Ulanov hockey card is pictured above with a "heart" around it (we all know how good I am at drawing those). It's a Topps card, #468.

"Ulanov is a fine all-around player who's more than willing to participate in the physical aspects of the game. Ulanov is a highly rated prospect who registered a respectable rookie season. Ulanov, a native Russian, registered 11 points in 27 games last season for the Jets. He's a quick defenseman with a fine shot from the point. He's noted as an offensive defenseman, but has improved defensively."

Fine!

Spotlight on: Krasnokamsk (Краснокамска)

2007-04-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

Every Wednesday the fan club will feature a different city that somehow pertains to Igor Ulanov. Yeah, I know today's Thursday, but I spent yesterday clutching a mug of Neocitran and cursing the USA men's national curling team.

Above, in a picture taken by Sergei Pakhomov, is the Second World War memorial in Krasnokamsk. Ulanov was born in Kransnokamsk on 1 October 1969.

Krasnokamsk is located in Perm oblast in western Russia. It is situated along the Kama river. Krasnokamsk was founded in 1929 as a pulp and paper mill settlement, and it became a town in 1938. An oil refinery opened there in 1943 and its main idustries are now oil refinery and metalworking. Krasnokamsk has a population of about 53 000 people. It is currently 8 degrees celsius there, with a high of nine degrees for today.

It's all in the cards.

2007-04-01T21:21:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Sunday evening. Tonight kicks off a weekly Sunday feature involving Igor Ulanov hockey cards. Pictured above is the fan club's collection of Ulanov stuff (minus the most prized possesion: the game-worn Paul Coffey Night jersey). Since there won't be much for news on the Ulanov front, Sundays will bring excerpts from the back of hockey cards.

First Up: card #416 from the Leaf Set, copyright 1994 by Donruss Inc. (top row, second from the right). The front shows Ulanov wearing the away (dark) Winnipeg Jets jersey while sporting a look of concentration. On the back it says, "While known more for his defensive play than his offensive abilities, Igor was just one assist shy from leading Jets' defensemen in that category last season." The back of the card also shows his stats from the 93-94 season. He played 74 games, had zero goals and seventeen assists. He sat at a -11 with 165 penalty minutes.

Now I'm off to E-bay to see if the ten cent Ulanov hockey card section has been replenished.

For the Love of Two Teams

2007-03-28T00:52:00.000-07:00

I realized something the other day. I am a fan of Yaroslavl Lokomotiv. Well that may not come as a surprise, just remember how this all started out. I started following Loko when Ulanov signed with them. I would look at his player page and nothing else. Somewhere along the way, though, I became a fan of the entire team. Due to the fact that I live right outside of Edmonton, news about the Oilers pretty much falls into my lap on a daily basis. I spend way more time on the Lokomotiv's site than I do on the Oilers one. I sit here at the computer madly trying to decipher what it says, while using shitty online translators because I have zero knowledge of the Russian language. My fandom will follow Ulanov to whatever team he plays for, but now I sort of have two teams and never the two shall meet. Perhaps one day I'll even see the second one in action.

I taped the Oilers game from last night where they played (and lost, but not badly for a change) in Nashville, and lo and behold, there was a fan there wearing a Lokomotiv jersey. I had to rewind and look about three times just to make sure. Also, Mini 'Nov (Tom Gilbert) got two assists and the second star of the game.

We feel your pain.

2007-03-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the road (tracks?) for the Lokomotiv of the fine city of Yaroslavl. They were knocked out in 4 games (which isn't a sweep in the Russian Superleague, if you're paying attention). From the account of our Yaroslavl correspondant, the city got drunk to ease its pain.

Months will heal wounds, until you see a picture of Rod Brind'Amour holding the cup and then the rush of negative emotions will start anew. I hope that each of you receives a game-worn Ulanov jersey in the mail today. It will offer you a temporary escape from your grief. You can trust me on that one.

The future of Ulanov's hockey career is once again up in the air. I am sad.

Who's your (grand) daddy?

2007-03-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

At left, we have the sexiest current Oil defenseman (Sorry, Tjarnqvist. I've forgotten what you look like. I hope your hernia surgery went well), Tom Gilbert. Gilbert is pictured here after his team, U of Wisconsin won the NCAA championship against Boston College. He recorded the game-winning goal. Why all the Gilbert talk? Take a look at that manly beard. It's clear that he was taking tips on facial hair from his predecessor, Igor "ZZ Top" Ulanov (and not from current team mate Raffi "crooked landing strip" Torres, thank goodness). I wish I had a picture of Ulanov during the playoffs last year. Because that facial hair was mighty.

On St. Patrick's Day, I was at my favourite watering hole on Whyte, and I ran into an Oilers defenseman there. He was quite jovial (perhaps because the Oilers got a point in their OT loss to St. Louis. Now they have 67 points!). I will not say who it was, except that his name rhymes with "rat spleen." I told him that I was a huge Ulanov fan, and that Ulanov had recently scored three points in one game. He said that he was also an Ulanov fan, and that Ulanov had called him after the famous three point game. Then he said that Ulanov was like his grandpa. Uhh...what? I'm not quite sure what he meant by that, but I'm resting easy in the fact that it's mathematically impossible. Just like the Oilers' playoff chances.

Yaroslavl is in its second round of the playoffs, and they sit at 1-1 in the first two matchups against Omsk. I haven't been able to check yet who got the goals, but we have it on good authority that Ulanov made two great defensive plays in the first game, and that he got another game misconduct penalty. Let's go, Loko!

GOAL! Scored by...

2007-03-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

UlieUlieUlie

Sweet fuck. Yaroslavl swept the Moscow Dynamo right out of the playoffs after winning three games straight in the first round. But that's not even the big news! On March 11th, Yaroslavl beat Moscow 3-2. The following day, they beat the Dynamo 4-3 and Ulanov got one assist. Then came March 14th. The Russian powerhouse scored a goal and got a pair of assists. This fan club could not be more happy at this very moment. We also have it on good authority that he was voted best player of the game!

Number 58, your days are numbered. And it's been too long since I've seen that playoff facial hair. ROWR!

The face of a franchise.

2007-03-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

That's Ulanov on the far right. I also believe that that's Mikhnov third from the right.

Many games to report here: February 24th gave Yaroslavl another win when they defeated St. Petersburg SKA by a score of 5-3. A quiet night for Ulanov, but Mikhnov got an assist, and Grebeshkov was handed a trio of penalties. Yaroslavl was shut out on February 27th when they faced Togliatti Lada and allowed five goals. Ulanov spent two minutes in the box for "the attack of [sop]. not Vlad. by the washer." I even tried a different translator that time. What the hell kind of penalty is that?

On March 3rd, Yaroslavl beat Cherepovets Severstal by a score of 6-2. Ulanov assisted on the Lokomotiv's first goal. This brings his point total to 5! On March 6th, Yaroslavl beat Tver (?) by a score of 8-3. I believe that March 8th was the last game of the season, and Yaroslavl tied the Nizhnekamsk Neftekhimik 4-4. Ulanov got one penalty for roughing.

Ulanov's Regular Season stats (as of November 15th, 2006)

Games played: 32
Goals: 0
Assists: 5
PIM: 36

Yaroslavl will be facing Moscow Dynamo in the first round of the playoffs, starting on March 11th.

Another Ulanov Fan!

2007-03-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

His blog is named for Ulanov!
Find it here!

The Greatest Video ever made

2007-03-06T03:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm not one to boast, but there it is. The most amazing video humankind has ever seen. And we made it. Well I'll be. A follow-up video full of clips of the party will follow, but this is the one that we made in preparation for said party. Enjoy

"This is the weirdest party I've ever been to."

2007-03-05T13:27:00.000-08:00

And I assume by "weirdest," j-roc actually meant "most awesome."

Yesterday's party brought in mediocre attendence. But it's the quality, and not the quantity, that counts. It was a chance for Ulanov fans to get together and celebrate all things Ulanov. And we collected twenty-nine food items and a twenty dollar donation for the Campus Food Bank, which will all be delivered there on Wednesday. Thanks to everyone who stopped by and made the night special. Thanks also to the staff of RATT, the finest campus bar there is.

Pictures of the night and a kick-ass tribute video to follow.

It's going to be an interesting night of music!

2007-03-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

The party is tomorrow night, and we're busy at work here making a tribute video and tying up any last minute loose ends. Oh yeah, and we're getting our music ready.

A hand full of people responded to our music call out. There were three votes for Boney M.'s Rasputin, by far the most popularly suggested song. Metallica's Ride the Lightning (for his years in Tampa Bay) got one vote, as did Bennie and the Jets (in honour of Winnipeg) by Elton John. Jethro Tull's Lokomotiv Breath also came up with a vote, along with the likes of Eye of the Tiger by Survivor ("When I think of Ulanov I think of the heroic underdog. And what better song than Eye of the Tiger to convey this powerful theme?") and Tom Jones' Sexbomb. There was also a vote for that Do You Think I'm Sexy Song, as well as one for Russia, My Homeland by ...And you will Know us by the Trail of the Dead and one for the entire album called Broom by Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin. Last but not least, there was also a suggestion of "...any country music suggestions should be kept to themselves." No problem there, as I find country music to be rather loathsome for the most part.

Thanks very much to Jo, Young D, Dan (and an extra thanks and cookies for him for mentioning the party on his radio show), Megan, and Danna for sending in their suggestions!

A call to song.

2007-02-28T16:52:00.000-08:00

Greetings! As you may or may not know, this fan club is holding an Ulanov Appreciation Night/Fan Club Anniversary Party on Sunday. We need music for this party, and this is where you come in. We'd like some suggestions. Any song that reminds you of Ulanov? Besides the Divinyls' classic, of course. That one is already on the playlist. Either leave your suggestions in the comments section, or e-mail us at the address on the sidebar. Thanks!

The Prez & Don E. Coyote

Edmonton needs shins like these:

2007-02-24T12:03:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day turned out to be a good one for the Lokomotiv. They beat the Novokuznetsk Metallurgists by a score of 6-1. No points or PIM for Ulanov, but semi-Oiler Alexei Mikhnov scored twice. Yaroslavl hit the road and visited Chelyabinsk on 17 February and shut them out 2-0. They were back home on the "Marty Reasoner" day of February and they tied Chekhov by a score of 2-2. Ulanov spent two minutes in the sin bin for "roughness (fight)." Yaroslavl visited the Moscow Dynamo on 21 February, and lost to them 5-2. Ulanov spent another two minutes in the box for what I can assume was an altercation with Moscow's number 28, Куляш. He also served a penalty for "emission of washer." I think I may need to get a new online translator.

Ulanov tops my list of 50 sexiest Men (and is the subject of a new Timberlake song)

2007-02-19T14:33:00.000-08:00

Well after three months of working on it, I finally managed to finish the list of the 50 Sexiest Men Alive!

Also: Bringin's Igor Back: a song

Join it.

2007-02-10T13:27:00.000-08:00

The Unofficial Igor Ulanov Fan Club, now on Facebook.

The Party of the Century!!!

2007-02-08T16:35:00.000-08:00

Click on the poster to see it full size, or just click here!

Shout it from the roof top: Ulanov's on fire!

2007-02-04T02:09:00.000-08:00

Ulanov has been busy as of late. Busy getting points!

Yaroslavl shit-kicked Magnitogorsk by a score of 3-0 on January 23rd. No points or PIM for dear old Ulanov, but the points were to come! On January 25th, Yaroslavl beat Omsk by a score of 4-3, and Ulanov got an assist on Lokomotiv's second goal! He also spent two minutes in the box for the cardinal sin of "push aboard." January 28th saw another point on the Ulanov scoreboard, as he got an assist in Yaroslavl's 4-1 victory over Kazan. On January 30th, Yaroslavl beat Moscow "Wings of Advice" 3-1. Ulanov spent another two minutes in the box for push aboard. February 2nd saw yet another win for Yaroslavl as they beat Khabarovsk by a score of 4-3. All quiet there on the Ulanov front.

Four points and twenty-six penalty minutes in twenty-three games!

Ulanov speaks again!

2007-01-23T16:48:00.000-08:00

Now he has 2 points on the season!

What's been happenin' in Yaroslavl:
On 12 January, Yaroslavl ventured to Moscow and lost by a score of 3-1. They came home, and on 16 January they made like the Oilers and continued to lose. This time it was to САЛАВАТ ЮЛАЕВ Уфа, by a score of 4-2.

18 January saw Yaroslavl back on the road to take on Novosibirsk, this time winning with a score of 4-1. On 20 January, Yaroslavl took on the "Moscow Area" Chemists at home, and won with a score of 4-2. And Ulanov got an assist on the third goal.

The Yaroslavl Lokomotiv guestbook/message board has discovered the Ulanov fan club. It got almost 100 hits from Yaroslavl yesterday from the messgae board. Why didn't I learn Russian instead of French?

I never claimed to be an artist...

2007-01-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

This is the sign I brought to the January 12th game versus Minnesota. I made it in the car on the way to the game.

Bringin' Sexy Back!

2007-01-16T23:25:00.000-08:00

A girl can dream. And there is a movement in the works. My letter-writing campaign of last year was a complete failure. Are you willing to let us have him back, Yaroslavl?

Now on Facebook

I told you he has fans.

2007-01-15T13:13:00.000-08:00

A partner in crime, it appears.

Fingers crossed, but Ulanov has signed a contract with Yaroslavl Lokomotiv. Unlike some people, he might be classy enough to honour it.

Happy birthday, Mr. Gilbert!

2007-01-10T23:30:00.000-08:00

Tom Gilbert played his first regular season NHL game tonight versus San Jose. It's also his 24th birthday! It was pointed out today to me by an "avid" fan club blog reader that Tom Gilbert looks slightly like a young Ulanov. This would explain why he makes me giggly. Henceforth he shall be known as "Ulanov Jr."

And our congratulations to Mathieu Roy, who scored his first NHL goal tonight.

Well that's just not right.

2007-01-10T23:15:00.000-08:00

Not much to report on the Ulanov front (especially when, upon preliminary inspection, he appears to have been sent to the press box last game)...

Yaroslavl visited the Nizhnekamsk Petrochemists on January 5th, and beat them 3-2. Ulanov spent a pair of minutes in the penalty box for "delay by the hands." Yaroslavl got its ass kicked on January 7th by the Kazan Leopards with a score of 4-1. I'm fairly certain Ulanov didn't play that game. Ulanov's legions of fans have been crying themselves to sleep ever since.

A nice sentiment

2007-01-06T14:51:00.000-08:00

31.12.06. Hockey club " Locomotive " congratulates fans happy New Year and Christmas!
Players and employees of club wish you all kindest in coming New to Year! Health, pleasure, success!

The silence is deafening.

2007-01-04T22:39:00.000-08:00

Ulanov has been terribly quiet as of late. We can only assume that it's because he doesn't get much ice time (I actually don't have a clue how much ice time he gets...but it's not enough for the magic Russian hands).

Yaroslavl Lokomotiv in their last few games:
December 21st: Yaroslavl tied Cherepovets 1-1. No points or PIM for dear Ulie.
December 23rd: Yaroslavl gets shalacked by St. Petersberg 5-2. Still no word from Ulanov
December 26th: Moscow Dynamo falls in the face of the intimidating Lokomotiv. Ulanov continues to deny us humour involving penalties and poor translations.
December 28th: "ХК the Ministry of Internal Affairs Tver" (?) beat Yaroslavl in OT with a score of 5-4. Ulanov is an island.

Next game up is tomorrow against the Nizhnekamsk Petrochemists. Yaroslavl last played (and lost to) them on Oct 23rd, before the days of Ulanov.

Поздравления Сезона!

2006-12-25T23:31:00.000-08:00

The Fan Club exec would like to wish all the Ulanov fans out there the happiest of holidays! It has been just over a year since his delightful 2 goal game and it's a memory we will surely cherish in our hearts forever.

(If the titles of this post does not translate into "Season's greetings," then I apologize and I hope it's not something offensive)

I'll have an Eggnov. With Vodka.

2006-12-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

After a lengthy drunken discussion following the consumption of many alcoholic drinks and jellos, the fan club decided that Igor's new name shall be Eggnov, in celebration of the holiday spirit. And of course, one simply can not drink a Russian drink with rum. One must drink said russian drink with Vodka. Russian Vodka. Preferably of the Krasnokamsk variety. God I miss him.

How did this happen?

2006-12-15T16:22:00.000-08:00

Someone has linked to us in the Wikipedia article on Ulanov. We feel honoured.

I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of those evil eyes...

2006-12-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well Ulanov hasn't posted any minutes in penalty box, or any points on the board in the last two games. But, it seems, Yaroslavl is going the way of the current Edmonton Oilers. Winning like it's nobody's business, that is! They took on Novosibirsk (how's the agriculture situation?) Siberia on 6 December and beat the 4-3. Two days later, they defeated the Metallurgist by a score of 3-1. Yaroslavl's next game isn't until the 21st, when they'll go on the road to face Cherepovets. We'll try to keep you occupied until then.

Club Mangler: Roughing people up since 28 November

2006-12-04T12:18:00.000-08:00

Somebody found this site by searching for "club mangler." That brought me back to a previous version of the Wikipedia article on Ulanov.

Yaroslavl ended its three game losing streak with a tie at home against Tractor Chelyabinsk, with a score of 1-1. Ulanov served two minutes in the penalty box for "roughness (fight)." The team then went back on the road to deliver a sound shut out spanking to Moscow Tsska (?) on 1 December with a score of 3-0. Nothing on the Ulanov front for that game. Two days later, Yaroslavl visited Chekhov Hero for a 2-2 tie. Ulanov got another two minutes for "roughness (fight)." Привлекательный (I hope that's the right word)!

Maybe somebody out there can confirm this...

2006-12-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

...but it appeared that at last night's game against Columbus, which was a travesty by-the-way, that the guy who won the "Sirius dance-off" was wearing a t-shirt with the number 55 on his back. Now, coincidence, or are there a growing number of us Ulanovites out there, and we want our voice to be heard? I think we all know the answer to that one.

Keep your chin up, boys!

2006-11-26T00:27:00.000-08:00

Yaroslavl is on a two-game losing streak! Fortunately for me, the Oilers are winning, although their defense could use some work. If you know what I mean.

So let's talk outcome! On 21 November, Yaroslavl lost to ЛАДА Tolyatti (that's the best the translator could do) three to one. No points for Ulie, but he received two minutes for "footstep." I have no idea what kind of penalty that would be. With the previous penalties I sort of had an idea what they might be. This one? Not one.

On 23 November, Yaroslavl was shutout by SALAVAT YULAEV with a score of 1-zip. No points or penalties for The Mangler. Yaroslavl is back at home on 26 November to play Metallurgist Magnitogorsk (sans Malkin mwahahaha) and then on 28 November (and Ulanov was once on TSN's Off the Record to discuss the Pronger fiasco...) to play Tractor Chelyabinsk, which has an excellent team name.

I'll bet he has a really strong grip.

Yaroslavl takes down Moscow, 6 to 2.

2006-11-19T02:03:00.000-08:00

Yaroslavl beat Moscow on Friday with a score of 6-2! Ulanov got an assist (the fan club is very proud of him) and a penalty for "pushing aboard." Next up, Yaroslavl plays an away game on the 21st somewhere with a name that Babblefish refuses to translate.

Also, thanks to our correspondent over in Yaroslavl, Yaroslav (without the 'L') Neelov! We owe most of our information and all of our pictures to this person!

Уланов Игорь's first game!

2006-11-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

First of all, the fan club would like to extend our thanks to our friend over in Russia who has been keeping us informed and sending us pictures. I'll post the name as soon as we get permission.

Yaroslavl Lokomotiv played at home yesterday, Nov. 15th against Amur Khabarovsk and beat them 5-3. After extensive use of online translators, I have determined that Igor Ulanov (whose profile is now up) did not score a goal, but got two penalties: a 2 minute for "delay by the hands," and a 10 minute misconduct for the "insult of the judges and the bahaviour of the players." Sexy. It appears as though Ulanov (Уланов!) has adopted the number 5 as his jersey number, one that he has also worn in the NHL. SIGH. He looks so much better in blue.

Next up: Yaroslavl plays at home tomorrow, Nov. 17 against the Moscow Wings of Councils (?) who they plast played on Sept. 19. The Wings of Councils are undoubtedly shaking in their skates, for the smackdowns delivered by Ulanov are fierce!

Remember, remember the fifteenth of November...

2006-11-15T15:53:00.000-08:00

While Don E. Coyote and I were in the CJSR DJ booth this morning from 4-6 doing our radio show, we started talking about Ulanov.

Because of the information we received in an e-mail, it dawned on us that Igor Ulanov could have been practising for his game tonight at that very moment, as he is ten hours ahead of Edmonton. It made us giddy. So if tonight is his first game, we wish him good luck!

Igorem Ulanovym:protector

2006-11-13T03:25:00.000-08:00

The news article on the Yaroslavl Lokomotiv website, courtesy of a little help grom Babblefish:

02.11. Change in the composition of command Is signed contract with protector Igorem Ulanovym (1969 г.р.), past season advocated club NKHL "Edmonton". Otzayavlen from the composition of command protector Vladimir Gusev.

Hit me, Yaroslavl!

2006-11-10T09:30:00.000-08:00

This site has received a hit from Yaroslavl. This makes the fan club happy.

Me thinks a detective I is.....

2006-11-09T19:58:00.001-08:00

Using my god-like powers of deduction, and those of my german brother, we have found what we are pretty sure is Igor's name in Russian, although it is as of yet, unconfirmed. Here goes though...

Гусев Владимир

Rock on, Гусев Владимир!

Rumours!

2006-11-08T23:31:00.000-08:00

The fan club received an e-mail today from a Russian e-mail address, stating that Mr. Ulanov's first game with Yaroslavl will be on the fifteenth of November. I've been trying to find him on the roster (there is also apparently some sort of poll up on the site) for a while now, but I've had to go only by birthdates or pictures and I haven't found him yet. It's times like these that I wish I spoke Russian...

There is a special Ninth circle of Hell....

2006-11-05T11:15:00.000-08:00

... and it is reserved for arrogant referees. It's a little late, but I know we all still feel it. Stupid Magoo (don't know how to spell it) is a disgrace, and MacT shouldn't have to pay that fine. Anyways, no new information there, but something to consider: would Magoo have made that call stick when faced with a certain intimidating russian? I think not. We miss you Igor.

Mystery solved: Canada loses a hero.

2006-10-30T18:21:00.000-08:00

It was bittersweet news. I came home to the sports section after a long day of vinyl organising. And school work. All those unanswered questions are answered. Igor Ulanov will play hockey again. But not on this continent. Ulanov will start playing next month for Alexei Mikhnov's old team, Yaroslavl (as reported by The Edmonton Journal).

It's bittersweet. Once I discover how to translate Yaroslavl's homepage, I will again be able to faithfully follow the career of the player whose jersey I proudly wear everywhere. In my heart, no other player will ever compare to Igor Ulanov. Yes, even the Swedish charms of Daniel Tjarnqvist.

I am at a loss for words, but I'm sure there will be tear-stained poetry to follow. Good luck in Russia, Igor.

How well do you know that robust Russian-Canadian?

2006-10-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

Now you can find out! I've created a quiz! Watch your popularity grow as you prove that you know more about that mysterious defenseman than your friends.

Me like hockey!

2006-10-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

(From left: Don E. Coyote, panelist Aaron, host Mike, The prez, other host Mike)

Thanks to the Mikes of Liquid Chatter on CJSR for having us on their show last Thursday! Don and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

Why the finger? It's the only number one Calgary will see, from this day forth.

Shameless Plug Alert!

2006-10-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

Good evening, all! Is there anything you'd like to do more on a Thursday night than listen to the Unofficial Igor Ulanov Fan Club executive on the radio? I didn't think so.

The kind gentlemen and lady hosts of Liquid Chatter have invited Don E. Coyote and I to be part of the hockey panel on their show. This particular episode focuses on a preview of the Oilers' 06-07 season. And we're off to a good start, I'd say.

If you live in Edmonton, we'll be on this Thursday (that's tomorrow) at midnight on CJSR 88.5fm.

Not an actor...but he might sort of look like a few.

2006-10-13T17:03:00.000-07:00

While I was on The Internet Movie Database trying to find proof that Seinfeld began earlier than 1997 so I could win ten dollars off of my man friend, I decided to see if Ulanov has made any cameos. While, of course he hasn't, but there have been many Igors with equally sexy last names who have been involved in the film industry.

Also, thanks to Loxy(while you're there, help her with her project) for this. Ringo Starr and Mikhail Gorbache? Ohhhh baby! And I take comfort in the fact that Hot off winner Ethan Moreau looks like a woman. Dwayne Roloson is clearly Dakota Fanning's father.

Location: Unknown

2006-10-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

Igor Ulanov's whereabouts has been the talk of the town. We've had e-mails from people demanding to know where Ulanov is playing. People have come up to me on the street to ask me where he is playing. All I can say is that I've heard rumours of talks with Fribourg. But nothing is known for sure.

hockeydb.com sums it up quite nicely.

Magic Number!

2006-10-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

There have been 55 visitors to the fan site today, as of 10:44pm my time.

A Birthday Haiku

2006-10-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

Krasnokamsk village,
home to the russian hero,
Igor Ulanov.

If I could give you just one birthday present...

2006-10-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

...it would be a spot on an NHL roster.

Enough whining out of me, though. It's a time to celebrate! Today is Igor Ulanov's 37th birthday! I declare this the Sexiest Day of the Year. Mark it on your calendars!

Yeah. That's hot.

2006-09-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

Besides being extremely good-looking, Mr. Ulanov is also apparently very light on his feet. This is what happens when the season is gearing up and Ulie is left in the NHL's dust. I want to see "Dancing with the Hockey Stars." Come on Fox, do your stuff.

His legacy lives on!

2006-09-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

Electronic Arts knows how to properly acknowledge talent. Thanks to Ryan H. for providing us with this picture. It's nice to know that some people are capable of playing hockey video games newer than the nineties. Viva NHL '95! Doesn't Igor look sexy?

Jani who?

2006-09-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Let's take a moment to remember the forgotten Oilers of last season. The ones who got traded mid season, the one lost when he was so foolishly put on waivers and the ones who the Oilers wouldn't re-sign. My favourite part is when Bergeron's tiny head explodes into Ulanov's massive one. Watch 'til the end of the video to see what the hell I'm talking about.

A Poetic Masterpiece:

2006-09-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Sammy, poet extraordinaire, for sending us her poem about Igor Ulanov. She has agreed to let us share it with you, so here it is:

Uli does not play
No hits, no misses, no joy
My heart cries for him

When Uli hits you
You may meet the creator
Ask for forgiveness

Ulanov scored!
The goaltender had no chance.
The feast has begun.

Rem the Gem is sad.
A kind word from Ulanov
And the sun will rise.

Anyone else feeling their creative juices flowing?

In my heart, I know who won.

2006-09-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

Ulanov was defeated yesterday by Ethan Moreau. At least he was taken down by a respectable opponent. The fan club accepts the ruling over at the Hot Oil Hot Off, but we still know that Igor Ulanov is clearly the most attractive individual to ever set foot in the NHL.

I figured out how to post videos.

2006-09-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

This video brings tears to my eyes. There are count 'em two appearances by Ulanov in this video, which puts the video a whole two Ulanov appearances in front of the playoffs. Also, Ten Second Epic = good.

Ethan Moreau, prepare to get your ass handed to you!

2006-09-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

Sunday will be a triumphant day for Igor Ulanov. I can feel it in my bones! Over at Hot Oil, the delightful Loxy has started the Ultimate Hot Off. Sunday is the day that former Oiler Igor Ulanov (included, I assume, because I'm a member of the blog) is pitted against the toothless wonder, Ethan Moreau. Yes, he might be good-looking after putting in his teeth, but he's no match for that sleek Russian treat. So, all you Ulanov fans out there - there are more than I could have ever imagined - mark it on your calendar!

The Ulanov Legend is no longer told 'round the campfire at Wikipedia...

2006-08-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

I heard that Wikipedia has a new system that only allows long-time users to make edits to their articles (or if it isn't here yet, then it will be soon). This, of course, means that Ulanov's legendary lack of performance in the playoffs this year will no longer be able to be exalted on their fine site. I, for one, am appalled. Flabbergasted. Stunned. When will all the free encyclopedias of the world learn that only a true fan can write a bio, and that "facts" have so little to do with the essence of a person???

A magical hybrid?

2006-08-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

After discovering that this web site had received a few hits from inquiries about some sort of magical being called Igor Mironov, I decided to do some searching of my own. Besides discovering that he was once a mayor, I also came across very limited stats on him as a hockey player. I've dug up this undoctored photo of the mythical creature. I believe that he roams around forested mountainous regions in the similar fashion of the sasquatch. I can only imagine how his awesome defensive abilities go to waste among the trees.

Turning over a new leaf!

2006-08-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

I'm done with reality. Latley, I feel that my attitude toward the dandy Mr. Ulanov's future has sucked. So what if he's 36 and not a spring chicken? Damn it, one more year of Ulie's face in front of a puck won't bring down the NHL. Henceforth, I will believe that he will be involved in the NHL in some fashion. As the president of his unofficial fan club, I cannot agree with the masses. Igor, I eagerly await your signature on a contract.

Separation Anxiety

2006-08-10T00:58:00.000-07:00

I'm going camping in Kelowna for six days. I'll be away from fountain of information for six days. Maybe there will be some exciting news about Ulanov waiting for me when I get back. I'm not holding my breath, however. I wish to live.

50% of Crossanov leaves the NHL!

2006-08-03T00:52:00.000-07:00

The good half is still here. For the time being.

Farewell, Mr. Cross. I wish you all the best, and I hope that the fans over there don't boo you in your dreams.

Sigh.

2006-07-31T17:09:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

In other news, there's a new blog in town. Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present to you hot oil. Just when you thought the mullet was untouchable.

On paper

2006-07-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

My passion for Ulanov has found a new medium. Enter U of A's finest newspaper, The Gateway.

I'll be gone for a few days, so i hope nothing exciting happens while I'm away.

Nice to see that he didn't get much of a haircut...

2006-07-22T01:35:00.000-07:00

Well, the playoff hair is gone. But so are the playoffs.

Ulanov was on TSN's "Off the Record" on Wednesday. He was on a side with Body Break's Hal Johnson (who should never be seen in public without the missus, Joanne McLeod).

Now the first topic up for discussion was regarding the obligation to contracts. They discussed Peca (the lazy regular season whiner), for some reason. Then came Pronger. Ulanov and Hal Johnson supported Pronger's right to disregard a contract and move wherever the hell he wanted. I'd have to disagree here, obviously, but Igor could not very well go on television and dump all over his former teammate so he didn't really have much of a choice. Or, more likely, Igor does indeed support Pronger and his decision to enrage Edmontonians.

Then they talked about baseball, or something equally as boring and the star said hardly anything.

I, on the other hand, have never met Pronger and am completely ignorant to the reality of Pronger's situation. I will trash him as much as I please. I have approximately four months to get my booing voice ready.

I see that the Oilers have signed yet another defenceman who has never played in the NHL. You know, there are still Unrestricted Free Agent defenceman who have played a season or two or fourteen in the NHL.

A reminder: Keep fit and have fun.

Now that's more like it!

2006-07-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

Look who is appearing on TSN's Off the Record on Wednesday...

link!

Thanks to Oilfans Forum members extraordinaire Adam (for e-mailing me about it) and Motorheadache (for starting a thread about it).

Ultimate Fighting Chamionship!?

2006-07-16T02:45:00.000-07:00

It appears that the entry in Wikipedia on Ulanov (see side bar) has been updated by somebody who finds apostrophes to be rather loathsome. It wasn't me. I enjoy apostrophes (when used correctly), and if I felt the need to add senseless crap I most definitely would have added that he is one of the sexiest men alive.

The Mangler = awesome
Ultimate Fighting Championship = some jackass is trying too hard

Welcome to Fantasyland. You had better start calling him "captain."

2006-07-13T15:20:00.000-07:00

After much thought and much ridicule, I have finally completed my fantasy hockey team. It is a rather large team, and I had to bring a few people out of retirement in order to create the sort of team that I dream about at night. I don't have a name for the team yet, but if you have any suggestions you can let me know. Here are captain Igor and his defensive partner, the lovely Mr. Kravchuk. When looking at the team, you can leave the cursor over the link and a box might pop up with my comments about the players. Also, my apologies to Ruslan Salei on being cut from the team, due to the fact that his defensive partner turned out to by a six-foot-five traitor. Those kinds of people are not welcome on my team. Before we begin, please click here for a humourous story about everyone's favourite Canadian, Boris Mironov.

Heather's Fantasy Team:

Grand Masters of Goaltending:
Bob Essensa #30 (picture)
Grant Fuhr #31 (picture)
Mike Morrison #1
Ryan Miller #3

Bosses of the Blueline:
Igor Double Trouble
Igor Ulanov 'C' #55 and Igor Kravchuk #21
Alphabet Neighbours
Janne Niinimaa #44 and Boris Mironov 'A' #2
The Pair with Almost Nothing in Common
Roman Hamrlik #4 and Scott Ferguson #23

Ferocious Forwards (I apparently felt the need to have seven lines):
First Line: Kariya gets the honour
Paul Kariya #9 - Wayne Gretzky 'A' #99 - Jari Kurri #17
Second Line: A Finn sandwich
Miroslav Satan #32 - Saku Koivu #87 - Martin Havlat #24
Third Line: Russian and/or Ugly
Maxim Afinogenov #61 - Mike Ricci #40 - Alexander Ovechkin #8
Fourth Line: The Eastern Birthplace Triangle
Alex Tanguay #18 - Mike York #16 - Dan Cleary #7
Fifth Line: My other assistant captain is on the fifth line
Jason Chimera #25 - Boyd Devereaux #15 - Fernando "Pants" Pisani 'A' #34
Sixth Line: For the love of God, this is taking forever
Jochen Hecht #59 - Mats Lindgren #14 - Anson Carter #77
Seventh Line: Gritty yet delicious
Brad Isbister #75 - Rem Murray #22 - Todd Harvey #13

Team Toilet Scrubbers:
They are required to scrub the toilets with toothbrushes, and they must hold them in their mouths.
Rod Brind'Amour
Chris Chelios
Sean Avery
Teemu Selanne

Goodbye, Jaroslav.

2006-07-05T23:34:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems that the Oilers are quickly running out of defensive options. Just in case Lowe has forgotten about certain UFAs, I've posted here a crudely-drawn picture of Igor Ulanov scoring on Roberto Luongo. Just something to think about.

In other news, we might be fucked.

Igor Ulanov: UFA

2006-07-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

So now that Ottawa re-signed Redden...

Also, Happy Canada Day. Don't bring down Whyte. Georges would not approve.

5 days and counting...

2006-06-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

Ulanov has five days left of Oilers membership. How will he spend these last five days? I have my fingers crossed as always that there will be some kind of miracle will come upon us. All I have to say to Mr. Lowe at this point is, I'll bet Ulanov is one defenceman whose agent wouldn't whine for a trade.

Speaking of miracles, though, someone found this site by searching for "Igor, I believe in miracles." Very awesome indeed. Some other Igor-related queries: "Igor gets you," (Yeah, he really just understands), "What regular season game Igor Ulanov not played missed," and "Igor mania" (every day here is Igor mania). We also had searches for "Pronger Peca married" (both are, but not to each other), "5 letter name for an Edmonton Oiler hockey player" (answer: great), "Staios address" (and here come the stalkers), and "Raffi Torres supermodel" (not with facial hair like that). Now that I've had my fun pretending to be an Edmonton Sun editor, here are the completely non-hockey searches: "pictures from O'Byrnes pub," "world's classiest beards," "how to write a French letter to a co-worker in an accident," and my personal favourite, "the official Lurch fan club."

I'm almost finished setting the lines for my fantasy hockey team. Wayne Gretzky is an assistant captain.

Sorry. I was at a loss for words.

2006-06-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wow. I think I'll always remember where I was when the Oilers lost the Stanley Cup to that big-lipped captain and his Alberta-born posse. I was in my friend Dave's basement where I was drinking a lot og MGD. Everyone was speechless after the loss. I drank more beer and ate a fudgesicle, but nothing helped. We were devestated.

It didn't matter that the Oilers weren't supposed to get this far, but they overcame the obstacles and made it anyway. Fans just started to expect them to win most of their games, and after Game 6 (if not before), I think that most people thought deep down that the Oilers would bring home the Cup. I no longer believe in destiny. I have plucked my playoff eyebrows after letting them police themselves for the last two months.

That being said, the Oilers should still be proud of themselves. I doubt that pride is what they're feeling right now, but they did make it a lot further than anyone had originally thought they would. They all pulled togather and Jussi came through when the team needed him. And they made it past Calgary this post season.

July 1 looms closer with every passing day. There used to be some debate over whether or not Igor Ulanov would get his name put on the Cup if they won (having only played 37 games in the regular season. I'd like to think that after fourteen years in the NHL, someone would try their hardest to get his name on there). That debate no longer matters. Ulanov is a free agent after Canada Day, and I keep my fingers crossed. Reality points to retirement, but I hold onto hope that a team picks him up for another season.

In other news, it was VP Don E. Coyote's 23rd birthday yesterday. He is currently working out of town fighting forest fires with limited internet access. I should have mentioned this earlier. He is not being a delinquent fan club member.

Below I have posted some pictures from happier times.

See you in Churchill Square tomorrow. Only in Edmoton, folks!

2006-06-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

1. Manny's playoff legacy indeed!
2. Jason and I at a San Jose playoff game.
3. The Oilers warmup before the only game they lost to anaheim.
4. Whyte Ave. celebrations before the avenue became a mini police state.
5. The Riot squad.
6. A cop and I on Whyte during celebrations in round 3.
7. Game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals. What a happy time!
8. Jason and I with one of the orange suit guys in front of the bus that almost took us to Raleigh.
9. My colourful tub of Noxzema after I washed the paint off of my face for the last time.

I almost went to Raleigh last night.

2006-06-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

Seriously. I ran into my uncle outside of Rexall Place, and his friend had a huge motorhome bus type contraption. They were going to go, and I secured myself a spot on the bus. Then after two hours of research, thinking, and sobering up, reality told us that it would be impossible to drive down in time for the game. It's a forty-four hour drive.

I've also decided, after putting a tremendous amount of thought into it, that I'm going to get an Oilers themed tattoo should we be the Cup winners tomorrow. This was previously something I only thought of while drunk. I was planning to get my next tattoo in August anyway, so it just makes sense.

This post has nothing to do with Igor Ulanov, but I remind you that he is clearly a great individual. He has a dinner club, after all.

Here we go Oilers, here we go!

Coming up next, I put forth my fantasy hockey team. It involves bringing people out of retirement. You'd better believe Ulanov will be the captain.

Holding on to hope!

2006-06-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Oilfans forum member extraordinaire, Janet.

The Mangler!

2006-06-09T14:21:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia talks Ulanov!

Thanks to my brother, the humourously named Steve Smith, for pointing this out.

Meet your new goaltender

2006-06-07T23:32:00.000-07:00

That's right, not the body. Just the face (pictured here wearing my attempt at a goalie mask. I know it looks more like an Oilers-themed umpire mask. Or a bunch of colourful lines).

I tried to post this before tonight's sickening debacle, but the Blogger gods would have none of that. Anyway, after Bergeron's botched assassination attempt (but seriously, save your booing for the opposing team) that left our beloved team in a depressing goalie lurch, jokes arose about putting Ulanov in net. He's good at blocking pucks with his face, people say. A friend of mine likened his face to an old catcher's mitt. I think that's a bit harsh, unless he was referring to a particularly attractive catcher's mitt. Then I would have to strongly agree.

The Fan Club executive would like to extend its congratulations to Mr. Stoll who, in addition to racking up nine points thus far in the playoffs, has also apparently snagged Sean Avery's supermodel ex-ladyfriend. I guess the only question that remains is, does she have a friend for Raffi?

Blogger ate my homework...and Igor Ulanov has a dinner club!

2006-06-02T22:30:00.000-07:00

I would have posted yesterday, but Blogger decided to eat the really long post I wrote like Blogger was a member of Ulanov's dinner club and my post was some kind of pasta. That was lame, I know. But it does bring us to our next point:
I'm sure you've all heard about this by now. I had heard of this club a while back, but now it has been confirmed. Because of that article, they may have to find a new favourite restaurant because screaming girls may hold a stakeout and interrupt the players' meals by attempting to sit on Stoll's lap.

In some exciting news, I placed the winning bid on a rare gem at the Oilers online auction. A gem that saw Ulanov's first goal of the season.

It's now time for another edition of How Crazy People Found the Fan Site!
Most people who find the site by using a search engine find it by searching for the Ulanov fan Club, however we still get a grab bag of other interesting searches.
The Horcoff question: For the love of God, Horcoff is married. I didn't know there were that many ways to ask if Horcoff was married. But there are. So keep your hands to yourselves, ladies. Also, someone found the site searching for "who is Kevin Lowe married to." I can't answer that one, sorry.
Fan clubs for other players: Pronger is the most popular choice, but there are several searches for Torres and Samsonov, as well (including a search for "Igor Samsonov"). We've also had ones this time searching for fan clubs for Todd Harvey, Craig MacTavish and Matt Greene, as well as "Tarnstrom Fan." There was also a hit from " 'Matt Greene' Russia."
There are males lurking all over the internet trying to find some tits, as we have had people searching for " www.oilfans tits ", "Edmonton Oiler sexy fans," and "Oilers tits fan."
The search for just plain old "Igor Ulanov," minus the "fan club" part also comes up a lot, but we have had a search each for "Ulanov Dinner Party," "Pants off for Ulanov [I'm so proud]"and "Igor drinks night club." Because it's possible to drink a night club.
We've had one hit from someone searching for a player of old, Yvan Cournoyer.
There were also two hits that had nothing to do with hockey, and they were "Massenhoven Riding Club," and "Norris Chuck Fan Club Address Postal USA."

Remember: WTUR is coming close to ending. Some people have promised to right their own letters, but I have yet to see anything. to those people I told I'd write letters for, they're coming tomorrow.