Monday, February 27, 2006

Un robuste jeune fusil

En janvier 1992, les Jets accueillaient le robuste défenseur russe, Igor Ulanov. Ulanov jouait pour les Selects de Russie qui participaient à la Coupe Alberta et à la Coupe Calgary, tournois qui ont eu lieu dans l’Ouest du pays durant le congé des Fêtes de 1991.

Grandeur : 6’2”
Poids: 202 lb
Né le: 1 oct. 1969
Union sovietique
Lance: Gauche

Saturday, February 25, 2006

"Igor combined his physical play and offensive talents in recording a career-high 17 assists in his second full season in Winnipeg."

So says a 1994 Igor Ulanov hockey card. I bought it on E-bay. The shipping costs were approximately 20 times the amount of the hockey card. No matter, I'm a happy woman.

Igor Ulanov hockey card ($0.17 plus shipping): check
8x10 photo of Shawn Horcoff (six bucks?): check
Oilers yearbook containing flattering pictures of both Marc-André Bergeron and Radek Dvorak (priceless...uh 8 dollars):check

Let's hope the t-shirt doesn't creep out my favourite Oiler (I respect boundaries). Only time will tell.

Yes, tomorrow will be a grand day.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Why I should never be allowed to do "art" on the computer.

This one is pretty much self-explanatory.

In other news, Igor Ulanov is off the Injured Reserve. I learned about it here, in an Oilers press release mostly about Kyle Brodziak.

It appears that they don't sell 8x10 photos of Ulanov. My friend tried to find me one for Christmas, but settled instead on Shawn Horcoff, and Oiler that I am also quite fond of. I looked all over West Edmonton Mall today. No luck. It makes me sad. Where's the love?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Things are back to normal.

I made this charming little graph with my new best friend, Microsoft Excel. It shows the number of visits per day our little site has received, up to last Sunday. We've experienced a sharp decline in visits since the 7th of February, but you will not see any kind of decrease in the passion and commitment that this blog so richly deserves. We strive to keep our 8-10 readers happy. Plus, we've got some exciting things coming our way in the mail.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Magically delicious

Some people would say that this face is unattractive. I, however, believe it is a face with character, a face that tells a story, a story of a committed defenseman who only gets to play every third game, even though he deserves far better from his team. It's a face that says "Hello, my name is Igor". Enough said.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Ohhhhh yeah. Right there, baby.

I call this "The Ulanov Assault," also knows as "I figured out how to put pictures up on the blog."

I was told by someone last week that I've shown more committment to Igor Ulanov than to any man I've actually date. This is probably true.

In sad news, Ulanov is on the IR, but we're going to Olympic Break, so hopefully he'll be up and at 'em by the time the NHL starts up again. I'm pretending today's game never happened.

Stay tuned for a picture or two of the devoted fan club executive!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Igor heats up the penalty box!

Ulanov's delay of game penalty + his red hot sex appeal = One Red Hot Penalty Box.

In other news, Bergeron made like a puck and trapped himself in the net. That was hilarious. Actually, the whole game was hilarious in a disgraceful sort of way. Once we got past the part where we realized that the Oilers were definitely going to lose, we were able to laugh quite freely. The cameraperson made quite a few close-ups of Igor Ulanov, which my salivary glands and I appreciated very much.

I'm excited for March 30th, as I have tickets to that game. You'd better believe I'm bringing a sign. I hope Ulanov plays, otherwise I'll feel quite ridiculous (because the sign is coming no matter what).

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Autograph Mania!

There is exciting news on the horizon. There is a certain autographed puck on eBay (by whom, you ask?) on which a certain pair of someones is the high bidder. Now don't all rush off at once and outbid us (becaue we can't afford it, it's already an outrageous price), but when we win it, this we promise to you, our loyal readers and fellow Igor fans: A picture of said puck! *gasp* I know, I know, how can we do it, you ask? Too much, even for an adoring public such as yourselves? Never. That's how committed we are to Igor and to you all. *bow*

Phew, I'm beat.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

It's not whether you win or lose...

It's whether Igor Ulanov plays the game. We lost last night, but I won.

A slight miscalculation...
Yesterday I said that three people read this blog. Well thanks to links (I speak here of a link from a blog that people actually read, but sausages are cool too if that's your style), we had over one hundred hits yesterday. Gracias.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The readership increases.

I ran into someone last night who told me that he has read this blog. That means that we now have a reader who is neither on the fan club executive, nor related to the fan club executive. This puts the readership at about three, including me (I don't even think the VP reads this blog. He's too busy leaving smooshy lip marks on the windows of my mother's car. And I love him for it). Anyway, what I neglected to tell this individual from last night is that I read his blog also (yes, I'm aware that everyone who reads this blog is already well aware of where to find it).

I'm rather upset that I missed Saturday's game against Vancouver. I was busy carting myself and various drunkards to various birthday parties and I forgot to tape it. Don't get me wrong, I had fun, but games where Señor Ulanov plays are becoming a rarity. It made me suspicious that they didn't play Tarnstrom, but I read just now that he has the flu.

I did tape the game last night, but Ulanov didn't play. It made me sad, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it (despite the fact that I kept dozing off because I started watching it at one in the morning). I'm becoming a bigger fan of Morrison by the day. When I sat down to watch the game last night/this morning, I was hoping to see Giguere play the same way he did last time we played them. Unfortunately he learned his lesson.

I taped yesterday's game because I went out to see Gogol Bordello last night. I mention this only because their accordion player looked a little bit Ulanov-esque, which is why I was making googly sex eyes at him when I wasn't in the process of giving myself whiplash. After the amazing show, my friend and I went to hang around at the back of the Sidetrack like a couple of groupies. I hit on the accordion player and I got my picture taken with him. I'm a fan.

Los Oilers meet up with the Avalanche tonight (I want to steal them in the night and turn them into the Nordiques). If Tarnstrom is still feeling unwell, maybe Igor will play tonight. My fingers are crossed.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Let me tell you a story about the greatest t-shirt ever made

I am, of course, referring to my "I [heart] Igor Ulanov" t-shirt. It's kind of sparkly.

Anyway, I first wore the t-shirt out to O'Byrne's on Whyte on January 7th. As you may recall, The Oilers lost to The Leafs that night. Many were not in high spirits. The table of drunken belligerents threatened my life several times because of the t-shirt, but mostly it was well-received. I received many drunken compliments. A note to men: even if you compliment a girl on her unique t-shirt, it does not mean she'll sleep with you. Especially if she is sober and you're are counting on her to support you so that you do not fall over. You drunken retards.

The Oilers lost to Columbus last night in a shootout. At least the Flames succumbed to a similar fate when they played Columbus. Ulanov did not play. I wonder if it was because of the knee or if he was a healthy scratch. Better luck for tomorrow's game.